Bravo
By: Vicki Hyman/The Star-Ledger
Well, no one can accuse Teresa Giudice of not trying to earn her keep, and Lord knows, she needs the money. That was some vigorous pot-stirring on tonight's episode of "Real Housewives of New Jersey." She almost made Danielle Staub seem sane by comparison. Too bad we won't get to see the actual blow-up at the North Jersey Country Club for another two weeks; we do know the outcome, however.
The stage is set: Kim DePaola, proprietress of Posche in Wayne and professional-grade instigator, asks Teresa and Jacqueline Laurita to attend a fashion show at the North Jersey County Club. Danielle may be there, she warns/incites. They’re not sure if they’re going to go … but of course they’re totally going to go. They do conference with Caroline Manzo, who isn't going to the fashion show but tells them not to let Danielle rule their lives.
Danielle gets the finger: Danielle finds out that Kim D. has asked Teresa and Jacqueline and heads to the store to confront her about inviting “enemies.” When Danielle shows up at Posche, Donna, who works for Kim D., tells Danielle that Kim isn't in, which for some reason perturbs Danielle, who storms out of the store and calls her daughter to tell her there’s “a situation.” Is there any human interaction for Danielle that doesn’t qualify as “a situation”? Picking up her dry cleaning, maybe? Danielle: “The lady’s behavior at the desk I found to be unacceptable behavior for somebody who is supposed to be greeting a money-paying customer.” As opposed to someone who pays in livestock? Danielle asks Donna to have Kim D. call her when she gets in. Kim D. returns and gives Danielle a call. Danielle goes ballistic on her, saying she got Donna to be rude to her. Danielle returns to the store and says she's furious that Donna held up a finger to her (the second one, not the middle one) while she wrapped up a phone call. “This is what she did to me," Danielle freaks. "This is rude. This is wrong. And this was your way of saying, 'I can have my employees treat you anyway I want.'” She says she's hurt and betrayed. Kim D. basically tells her to take a hike, but Kim D. calls her later to ask her to let bygones be bygones. Come to the show, Kim D. says. "There's not going to be any craziness. It's a country club ... I'm not going to let anything bad happen." Yah. Kim D. has no idea what kind of crazy she’s invited to her fashion show, Danielle says. So Danielle does have at least an ounce of self-awareness.
Yes, they are all in junior high school: Kim D. has invited Teresa and Jacqueline to sit at her table. Danielle shows up late, a bodyguard (not Danny "A punk is a punk is a punk" Provenzano, thank goodness) in tow, along with Kim Granatell and other friends. Teresa, Jacqueline and Kim D. discuss who's going to say hello to who and how and whether they're going to walk over, etc. Meanwhile, Danielle pretends to talk on the phone. They are 12 years old. Danielle is angry to see Teresa and Jacqueline by Kim D.'s side -- "They're so desperate to get at me that they have befriend somebody that was my friend" -- and when she sees Ashley Holmes, Jacqueline's daughter, walking in the show, mutters, "Coke whore." It takes one to know one. Kim G. tries to get Danielle to pay attention to the show, but Danielle's having none of it. "These people harass me, terrorize me, threaten me, throw tables at me, call me a prostitute and a whore in front of my children?" Ashley, meanwhile, appears to be staring at Danielle and waggling her fingers at her. Real mature.
High noon: Danielle gets up to leave, and suddenly Jacqueline notices that both Teresa and Ashley are nowhere to be found. Jacqueline finds Teresa perched on a chair in the lobby. She innocently tells Jacqueline that she just wants to say hi to Danielle. And then Danielle walks by without a word. We'll just let their exchange speak for themselves:
Teresa: Danielle, hi! ... We're sitting across from each other, no hello, no nothing?
Danielle: I just said hello.
Teresa: Yeah, but I had to say hello first, right?
Danielle: I gotta go.
Teresa: Ah, what's the matter? You're running away?
(Danielle, in voice over, says, "You don't run at a psychopath, you run away from a psychopath." But the ever conciliatory Kim G. urges Danielle to talk to Teresa.]
Teresa: What's going on? I haven't seen you.
Danielle: No, you haven't.
[Teresa congratulates Danielle on daughter Christine's fashion show gig and tells her Gia also walked during Fashion Week. Danielle icily offers her congratulations.]
Teresa: So what else is going on?
Danielle: I really don't find this to be a friendly conversation. I find it to be too game-y.
[Kim G. tells her that Teresa is making an effort. Yeah, an extravagant effort to recreate her lightning-in-a-bottle table-flip moment.]
Teresa: After I flipped the table, you knew I was pissed, but I was like, Let me make things better. I was like, you know me, I'm like the sweetest person, I'm the nicest person. And I am the nicest person.
Danielle: I don't really know you that way.
Teresa: But I am. 'Cause you got me to that point.
Danielle: No, Teresa, you make your own decisions.
Teresa: No, honey --
Danielle, interrupting: Don't call me honey.
Teresa: I don't want to call you honey. (Something indecipherable, perhaps, "because you're an old hag." Teresa really needs to enunciate better when she attacks) I don't want to call you honey, bitch. Is bitch better?
And scene!
How about a couple of Emmys ... for the writers who scripted that exchange.
Elsewhere, Caroline is suddenly working the empty nest arc, which is almost as random as Danielle's "I'm not comfortable with my body" storyline. She asks Al Manzo to retire. He won't, and points out that all three kids are still living under her room. "The clock is ticking. If you don’t retire, I’m going to be crazy. You want a crazy person to come home to?” Looks like he already has one. How about getting a job, Caroline? Volunteering? Heck, beekeeping?
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