RHONJ 7-26-10 Review

Review from The Star-Ledger.

'Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Bankrupt Teresa Giudice wants diamonds, not that she's Arabic or anything
Vicki Hyman/The Star-Ledger
The "Real Housewives of New Jersey", and one Real Offspring in particular, continue to astound with a toxic mixture of obliviousness, self-righteousness and massive entitlement. Two cases in point: Teresa Giudice making a play for diamonds for her tenth anniversary mere weeks after filing for bankruptcy, and Ashley Holmes pitching a fit because her parents won't like, get over the fact that she assaulted Danielle Staub. I mean, it was just her hair extensions! It wasn't, like, her actual hair!

Jillian's debut: Danielle's friend Cynthia comes over to plan Christine's sweet 16. Christine is not into the party, but then, she says, "I came up with the idea of donating the money I earned at the sweet 16 to a charity" Pray tell, how does one earn money at their own party? Getting, yes. Earning? Maybe her mother can answer that question. Kidding. Nice gesture. Jillian writes songs, and Danielle wants her to perform one at Christine's party. She starts to sing one, and I can't bring myself to critique it. She's 11 and has Danielle Staub for a mother. She has enough crosses to bear. Jillian stops singing after a couple of lines and starts crying. "She was just in a mood," Danielle says. "Artists get into moods. Whatever she's feeling is just going to make her performance that much stronger." Jillian is an artist like Gia is an actress. Just sayin'.

Photo: Bravo

Can Kim G. be trusted?: Jacqueline Laurita tells Caroline Manzo about her run-in with Kim Granatell. "I don't hate her. I don't think she's evil. I just think she's a people-pleaser." Caroline counsels Jacqueline to keep her distance from Kim G. so Danielle doesn't get wind of anything that she can use against Ashley in the upcoming court proceedings. They rail about Danielle, and why she can't any empathy for Ashley when Danielle did stupid things when she was a kid, and blah blah blah, we've heard this all before. Caroline and Jacqueline also talk about the fact that Danielle doesn't know that Kim G. is friends with Jacqueline, which is sure to send her over the edge ... just in time for next week's episode.

It's the economy, stupid: The Giudices are playing Monopoly -- oh, the irony! -- and we learn that Teresa and Joe are celebrating their tenth anniversary. Teresa's question is not, how are we going to celebrate honey? but, so what are you doing for me? Jacqueline and husband Chris head over to the Giudice's house, where they enjoy some wine in the kitchen. Hey, nice stove! Where can I get one of those? Joe takes Chris aside and says that Teresa wants diamonds for her anniversary. Back in the kitchen, Teresa too brings up diamonds, and Jacqueline wants more details -- the Crown Jewel? "No, not the Crown Jewel," Teresa scoffs. "What do you think I am, Arabic or something ... Or wait, is that Indian?" Joe: "Guess every 10 years you gotta splurge a little, right? I've been trying to like, not go that route, but ... especially in these times, you know what I mean? The money isn't flowing like it used to. Now it's just trickling." We interrupt this recap for some righteous indignation. How can Joe and Teresa sit there in their $4 million home, sipping wine and laughing and talking about buying diamonds just weeks after filing bankruptcy papers in which they seek relief from $11 million in debt? After the bankruptcy filing become public, Teresa claimed she and Joe would learn from their mistakes? When will that happen? How does the earth not just open up and swallow them whole? Breathe. On their anniversary night, and Joe (or maybe Bravo) rents a helicopter for a ride over Manhattan. "I want to do this, like, once a month," Teresa says. "Then it's on the Westin Jersey City for room service. Dessert is chocolate cake, topped with a big diamond ring. Then we see Teresa straddling Joe on the bed. My eyes!

Learning from your mistakes (not): Jacqueline drives Ashley to the post office to pick up her summons to appear in court over pulling Danielle's hair at the fashion show. Ashley continues to be quite pissy and put out about the whole thing. Jacqueline says she hopes that going to court will scare a little sense into Ashley. She asks Ashley how should would have handled the situation differently. "I don't know. Obviously not hit her, I guess." Ashley says that on one hand, she regrets pulling Danielle's hair, but on the other hand, boy, did it feel good. (Why is girl-on-girl violence okay? If the guy who punched Snooki off her bar stool on "Jersey Shore" had said, "It felt really good to get all that anger off my chest," he would have been strung up.) According to the summons, Danielle says that after Ashley pulled her hair, Ashley screamed, "I got her, I'll get her, I'll kill you." We've seen the footage, and that appears to be an embellishment. Ashley says she plans to plead guilty to assault but not to harassment. She starts to mock Danielle, and Jacqueline says in voiceover, "Ashley was giggling and stuff. I don't know if it's a nervous laugh or she's just being a smartass." Psst, it's the latter, minus the smart. Chris counsels Ashley to stay away from Danielle, and Ashley has it in her pretty little head that after the court case is over, she's going to sue Danielle "for everything she did." Chris says Danielle has nothing, so what is she going to sue her for? The more pertinent question is, what exactly did Danielle do to Ashley? Ashley storms out. Chris says she needs to learn a lesson. Oh, like last season, when she learned that acting obnoxious will get her a brand new SUV?

Happy birhtday: It's Christine's sweet 16. More than 300 people are expected to attend, including Danielle's ex, Tom, and his new wife. The guests start to arrive and walk the red carpet. Danielle says it's a benefit (though we never hear where the money Christine "earns" is going to), and Danielle got everything donated. Kim G. is there, and Tom Staub shows up with his new wife. There's a nice little reunion. Christine makes her entrance, bizarrely enough, on the shoulders of a professional bodybuilder. Jillian makes her singing debut. No comment. A good time is had by all.

And in our B story: Oh, and while applying to law school, Albie has entered the Passaic County Police Academy. And he likes to work out.

On location: Wilshire Grand Hotel in West Orange.

Best (worst) quote: "Here's a flash! Suri Cruise, that little girl, what is she, 3 years old, she wears heels." -- Danielle's pal Kathy to Jillian, trying to convince her to wear heels.

Source: NJ.com