The Real Housewives News

Article from the Examiner.com.

By: Jennifer Sale

Happy Monday, folks! I bet the first thing on your mind was...what are those cray-zay Housewives up to? Well, lemme tell ya... no good. They were up to no good whatsoever...so let's recap some of the fun news from the weekend.

RHODC
Can you say, 'backlash'? Yikes. Not exactly a warm welcome for these ladies of the DC, huh. The famebeast that is Shelley Salami and her husband Torque or something, is all over the place hawking this and that and the other. They had their own premiere party for the show, and they were served with a lawsuit for an unpaid bill to a PR firm! Ha! And their going to sue Whoopi Goldberg for that whole nonsense on The View that didn't even happen, not to mention they're seriously hounding Barbie maker Mattel to come out with a special edition Barbie doll in Michaele's likeness complete with fug Red Sari. And of course, a paunchy, fug Ken counterpart. So Barbie has to stop eating, bleach and flat iron her hair into oblivion, and Ken better get on the cheeseburger diet.

But Shelley Salami's not the only one with the deafening sounds of Skeletons rattling in the closet behind her, castmate Cat Ommaney has a few of her own coming back to haunt her. No, nothing good like she used to be a man or anything, because like you, that was my first thought... But it turns out she used to be a topless dancer or the polite term they use in the UK "hostess" and she has a criminal record for 'Theft'. She's already separated from new husband Charles, and all sorts of poop is falling on her. Just a lesson to anyone with a 'past' no matter how many times you change countries and names someone will ALWAYS out you.

Cast hinjinks aside, the show looks like it might die a slow, painful death over the next 8 episodes. It's premiere ratings weren't the best, and that's with a popular season finale of Bethenny Getting Married following. Now without Santa Bethenny and her army of rabid homicidal fans fighting off Project Runway, Austin and Santino, and Jersey Shore, expect this group to go down in flames.

RHOOC
Ain't nothing like the original, right? So we got some confusing news last week about a new cast member and the exit of Hash Brownie Queen, Lynne Curtin. I wasn't about to announce anything without a press release, because this stuff ALWAYS happens, like the whole Elvira Grau thing. But Lynne took to her Facebook (the new AP Wire) and basically said it's a done deal and she's outta there. So this wax figure and BFF to Alexis Bellino, Peggy Tanous, is the newest housewife.

Ok, maybe...but I have a few unanswered questions. Why would Lynne be in NYC filming three weeks ago? She was filming with Lauri, Gretchen and Lauri's daughter Ashley. She did make a coy reference to some kind of spin off series, ugh. No. That would be horrible, what would you call it? Being broke with Lynne and the Nitwit 'Like' Twins? Knowing how things are handled at the Bravo mothership, I can pretty much imagine the freak outs that happened over that spoiler getting leaked 2 weeks into filming if it's true. It's a huge no-no to leak cast shake ups.

We'll have to see what happens. Lynne was useless, so I really don't care about her leaving, but if some oldtimers are coming back and there's a Team Alexis? Awesome.

RHONJ
Oh the Jersey Goils are never far from the news... last week was the reunion taping, and a lot of cryptic tweets hit the interwebs soon after. The most intriguing was Lunkhead Ashley tweeting about not speaking to her mother for at least a week. But that was quickly deleted after a family friend pointed out how foolish it was for her to say something like that publicly. Teresa went dark for 3 days, saying she was at the 'beach'. I guess something very surprising went down. They're all playing it up like it's something totally out of left field we would never expect, but I think I might have an idea...more on that later I'm still waiting on a few confirmations from sources (wink). The first part of the reunion should air 8/31.

Kim G. sure as hell wasn't quiet about anything this weekend. Once again I got an email from her, raving like a lunatic 'responding' to Bethenny's quip about her being an old hag or something. Oh wait...she called her a Termite...that's right. I'm sure you'll see this video on another gossip site, I'm not giving her the time of day to post something like that here, but she basically sums the rant up with this gem de class....

"she must have square t!ts to go along with that square chin and probably has a square azz too!" (edited for content as this is a PG-13 blog)

Apparently Kimmy da G didn't get the memo from Jill Zarin, that attacking inventor of the Margarita and Cupcake, Santa Bethenny of La Margarita™, will only get her drawn, quartered, and killed by the rabid and homicidal Bethenny 'B-Dawg' Army. So she better put on a helmet and wait for Armageddon, because you never EVER defile the Virgin Patron Saint of Skinny Girls. So we'll see how that works out for her...probably not good.
There's news in the Joe Giudice DUI case that we'll get to see tonight, but you'll have to read about that in the RHONJ preview in a little while.